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First Contact

 - the voice of Fervidus Humanus

You remember her face from last week's intramural basketball game, but forget her name in the mess of your memory. Debating whether or not to approach her is no debate at all. "Well, she was friendly last time, she'll probably welcome a conversation," you convince yourself. Lounging in a comfortable single chair, concentrating on her work, she is oblivious to your approach.

This is an opportunity to make first contact with another person, and it could be the most exciting and significant part of a relationship. From the subtlest glance, or slight smile, or a full conversation shared between two people, first contact can result in so many outcomes. If all goes well, things lead to other things and eventually something may happen. If things don't go well, it could lead to mutual discomfort, awkwardness, bitterness and resentment. Ah, the importance of the first contact situation.

Alas, should you initiate with a gentle tap and "hey," or a firm and playful jostle, or a respectful non-contact "excuse me?" You decide on the former. She turns and greets you with a surprisingly enthusiastic smile: "Hey, basketball dude!" You quickly smile back warmly and calmly, but privately breathe a sigh of relief. She doesn't need to know how timid you were about talking to her in the first place. Note to self: increase self-esteem. Justification: made positive impression on girl.

And so the conversation proceeds. The conversation goes through the basic cycle: where are you from, what are you doing here, how's that going, what are your interests, etc. You self-consciously judge each of your own statements, ensuring that they are all directed towards making a good impression. While trying to be yourself, you are also trying to impress this person. And you don't want to risk that by being TOO straightforward. Cautiously making your responses sound natural, you deliver your lines, balancing truth with fiction. It occurs to you that she is probably doing the same thing, but it's too hard to tell, because she's just as smooth as you are.

"This is going great!" you think, silently applauding yourself on your progress thus far. She seems to be genuinely interested in you, paying close attention. And even though she was busy doing her homework, she seems happy to remain and chat, having not voiced any lame excuses for leaving. Then it hits you. This could actually BE something. This dialogue could be the first step in a longer relationship between you and this previously unknown girl. It was so simple, too, just a matter of acting natural, friendly, and having the courage to approach a relative stranger. Suddenly, you feel carefree and blissful, as if nothing else matters. You feel your bones tingling. Endless possibilities flash through your mind. It is exhilarating. Two people from random backgrounds come together, and hit it off so well upon first contact? Coincidence? "Naw, it can't be."

Half an hour later, you wave your goodbyes, exchange email addresses, and agree to meet up later. "What a pleasant conversation that was, " you muse. You really did have fun, and you congratulate yourself on making the best of a delicate situation. It was tough, but it was rewarding, and you can't help but look forward to your next basketball game with more than a little hope.

"Do all guys think that way?" she replied.

 - the voice of 14_of_Spades

I don't know, I thought to myself. I don't think so.

She continued.

"You know, you're also very sweet and CUTE. Why cute? Because you're so shy. You don't make eye-contact a lot."

Oh really? I looked away. It was difficult to look into those eyes. She was so beautiful. I shifted around in my chair.

"I can't believe you've never had a girlfriend before."

Spending time with V.R. always made me an emotional wreck. She considered me a friend, but I always secretly hoped for more. She was my anima. I had a hyperawareness of her. Whenever she was in the room, took a breath, looked my way, I knew.

"The circumstances never prevailed for it to happen," I replied.

Some would consider me fortunate to meet someone like V.R. in a lifetime, much less to see her everyday. But when we are given a platonic friendship with a creation as perfect as Aphrodite, we are in fact sentenced by Lucifer himself.

I smiled forcefully, as I always did around her, as I reached for my drink.

"You will get what you want through your charm and personality"
- according to the last fortune cookie that I had

 - the voice of Pi

She's the perfect girl. Smart, beautiful, athletic, motivated, independent and social. The only problem is that she doesn't know you exist. Is that her you spot walking this way down the hall? Oh shit, it is her she's coming this way. Your pace quickens and it sounds like your heart is pounding for the world to hear. It seems like all the moisture has left your mouth and migrated to the palm of your hands.

She's getting closer.

You are overrrun by panic and your mind is a blur. What do you do? Should you "accidentally" drop something? Bump into her? Say "Hey, aren't you in my sociology class?" You've imagined this scene in your head hundreds of times over and, of course, when you asked her out, she replied affirmatively. Now's the chance to make the daydream come true. She's so close that you can see her silken hair dancing in the air partially hiding that angelic face. Her walk is so elegant and graceful. So elegant and graceful that she walks right past you not even acknowledging your existence. The moment is over and you kick yourself for being such a chicken. You have the courage to skydive, but the sight of her makes you more cowardly than a lion in Oz. You regroup your thoughts and define a new goal: next time you'll be ready and know what to say and do.

The Ball is in your Court

 - the voice of banana_appeal

"Umm... hi. It was nice meeting you that time. I remembered that you liked [insert artist, musical group, event] and I know that it's happening [insert time and place]. I'd like to go and I wouldn't mind some company."

Does this sound familiar. Well if it does then it means you just served the ball.

But was that actually the first move, or did it start sooner than that? Who made the first move? Does a woman giving a man serious eye contact mean she's making the move, or is it when the man actually walks over and offers to buy her a drink, making the move?

And what's next? The agony of waiting for the return serve is sometimes part of the masochistic fun! Except of course when it doesn't get returned.

And seriously does taking 3 days to return a phone call or email add an aura of mystery? Or does it reek of trying too hard, or not interested at all.

Should a guy do all the initiating? If not when does a girl do the initiating? Or is it the most interested party should do the initiating. What if the other person isn't someone who likes to initiate things? -> we'll save that for a discussion on how to make relationships work.

When does a one sided initiating of activities become sad and pathetic? and when do you know the other person is truly interested? Not necessarily by their acceptance of an invitation, or even by their enthusiasm. It may be a good first step, but until they actually return the ball to your court, it doesn't count.

P.S. Please don't take forever to return the ball, people will understand it if you miss the return, or if you don't even try you can just walk off the court, but don't stand there examining your fingernails and adjusting your pose for the perfect effect.